Demons

Tonight it is demons I fight;
Demons of pain and despair
struggling not to loose myself
as they overtake my mind
and steal my body.

The pain increases daily; 
another trip 
to those civilized masters of torture 
who hide within the guise 
of therapists and doctors 
only to be told 
there is nothing to be done.

Narcotics to mask the pain 
and destroy my brain 
is all there is left for me. 
Till I cannot think

Walk I am told
Exercise, 
disregard the pain
Fight
The more war rages from within
The less I am me without

Fight
You have Cesar's tax collectors to pay 
and debts of your own making
from choices of long ago
and from which there is no escape.

Tired
but sleep evades
and the pain rages on

Frustrated
Helpless
So Tired

For what sin do I pay
that exacts such a toll
from a past unremembered
in another lifetime 
that now demands settlement 
in such a way.

Hiding within the techno work
Loosing myself in that which I love
and in the loosing, try and forget

But the pain cuts through
demanding attention;
stealing sleep 
and mocking happier days of freedom
when to walk
   to run
       to ride 
came so easily;
Now, each slowly being taken away
with the passing of yet another day.

What purpose does this serve?
What lessons to be learned . . . 
Compassion for others of imperfect form?
or simply the trial that I must face
in this earth walk.

What does not kill brings strength
or so I am told
Perhaps there is truth
within these words
For I am still here
fighting
kicking
screaming
but ready to face another tomorrow
and the unknown challenges it will bring.

(c) March 2001 Vampyra